Holy you say?
Burning holes everywhere,
taking a plunge into nowhere.
Despair and lust,
leaving me chewed and through,
like scattered dust.
Thinking of you right now,
collapse again,
as I glisten and shine in the sun.
The holes getting bigger and holy,
a shrine for souls forgotten and abused,
by your holiness.
Struggling is always fun!
Struggling and suffering,
trying to stay afloat.
Lying on my bed,
wishing I was on a boat,
stranded in the middle of the ocean
with the waves carrying my soulless soul,
deep down to the ground, into my final resting hole.
Seething with the mundane everyday,
adding to the wallowing misery at bay.
Facing the mirror,
obsolete, and full of demise and joy,
I prance around like a lunatic
waving to death,
who’s reluctant and coy.
‘Should I save him, or should I not’
‘Should I save him, or should I not’
…
Isn’t sadness wonderful?
There’s a heavy burden laying on my chest, and I need to get it out of my system.
You know what is unfathomably stupid? Playing the waiting game. Your mind starts playing tricks on you. Nothing is going to happen, nothing will ever happen, and you need to move on.
I wish sometimes it was that easy. It never is that easy.
It’s been almost three years now, and yet, I can’t seem to forget, I can’t seem to forget her.
This is, at least now, I’m realizing that it was never meant to be, and nothing will ever mean to be. All these years, and all the time, spent waiting and hoping, gone to waste. Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn’t. I am yet to know.
It is a great sadness, when you love so hard and vigorously, KNOWING and willingly indulging into dead emotions. This was not a ‘cliche’ form of unrequited love/crush. I wish it was, because if that was the case, I’d move on in a heartbeat.
It stings you greatest, when you know you found what you consider perfection, but that perfection and all what you hoped for was eventually falseness, and a compilation of crumbling hopes and desires.
She’s gone now, I guess, forever.
I’m not sad about all the time wasted, I’m crestfallen and full of sorrow because I know it could’ve been something magical, out of this world…
Or was that just in my mind?
It’s always just in my mind.
Blissful and relaxing, a masterpiece.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBc_WFJ0vQ8&w=560&h=315]
This is personally one of my favorite movie scores to ever exist. Without forgetting to mention the genius that is John Zorn of course, but this specific Filmwork of his truly left an impact on me.
Whenever I listen to this masterpiece, I feel a deep sense of emotions and a state of thumping existence. It’s magic to my ears, and brings me down to a sense of warmth that I rarely can feel.
Is anyone else hearing this?
Sounds creeping and crawling through my ears,
as my soul trickles down like tears.
Is it a hum? Is it a whisper?
or is it just my fragile mind,
popping like a big fucking blister?
I hear it, I listen to it, I know it’s there,
but at the same time,
it can be anywhere.
Maybe it’s a mosquito,
buzzing in my head.
It stings my brain and leaves me dead.
All I know is,
the sounds and whispers are alive and alright,
but I’ll sure be glad
if they fade into the night.
Not a great time to be alive, but hey, it’s all about the little things.
I’ve been feeling blue lately. I don’t feel as energetic as I usually am, heck even getting out of bed is becoming a drag. Living a routine life is truly soul crushing, but I always realize that it’s necessary, and well… I just have to go through the motions of the mundane everydayness.
I’m very familiar to these terrible mood swings, and they affect me in ways that hinder me in dreadful forms. It gets as far as working the effort and energy to crack a smile that I truly mean, or to even converse with people. The worse part is that I’m not putting enough time in my studies… I always faze out, and my mind gets blurry whenever I attempt to read, or even write. It’s horrible alright, and I hope that things get better real soon.
The only thing that I look forward to however, even with all my sadness and state of being right now, is seeing her everyday, well… not everyday, but whenever my eyes fall on her. It’s crazy I know, and I’m usually not like that. But when the love bug crawls in, oh boy. All hell breaks loose for me, but in a good way.
Seeing her makes me happy, even a little hello, and a small nod or wave, make my shitty present days better. That’s how bad of a state I’m in right now, but I’ll take whatever I can get. It helps and I don’t mind having this naive sort of high school reminiscent crush. It’s the little things that get me by, and that’s the only little thing that does get me by, or the only little thing I have going on.
I’ll take that small dosage of happiness, even if nothing eventually happens, and most probably nothing will.
It can be hard for some, but not for me!
Unrequited love is the best kind of love.
I know that it might be an oxymoronic thing to say, but everytime I find myself stuck in this vicious cycle of emotions and feelings, I feel great. It is truly a wonderful feeling, when you know you love someone, and you know they don’t love you back.
I feed from that, I take everything I can from it, and sometimes I even crave it. It’s a very mysterious trait that I have, and it puzzles me to the core. Whenever I happen to fall into this, I am a different and better person. My energy boosts up to unimaginable levels, I feel like I have nothing to lose, it gives me an unspoken kind of confidence that manages to take me into personal heights I never knew I had.
The only let down is, that all these feelings are short lived. I move on too quickly, rather too fast, but in that short period of time, like I said, I take everything, and I don’t have to give back anything. All the creativity from the feelings attained, all the courage, all the reckless regretting behavior that transcends me to newer states of being, it is all worth it.
Heartbreak doesn’t scare me, not at all. I loathe and disdain myself sometimes for wanting it. That’s why to me, Unrequited love is the best kind of love. It is the love that you know you have, and that you know you can give. However, you don’t end up sharing that love with the other, but with yourself.
Don’t be afraid of heartbreak, and don’t be afraid of love. These feelings are rare, so take advantage of them, use them selfishly if all fails and things don’t go your way. After all, you never know what life has in line for you.
In the words of Sir James Matthew Barrie,
“Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow”.
Whiskey, I love you.
Alcohol,
The ultimate booze.
I love you.
You keep me calm,
You keep me blue.
Whiskey,
Too risky,
But not for me.
I love you,
You know I do.
The taste too sweet.
Swaying to the blues,
With my shoes,
Feelings screwed.
I keep on rolling,
Feeling like heaven,
I’m on the edge of falling.
Whiskey,
I’m a fool.
Feed me,
Like you always do.
I feel free,
Like I always do,
I’m a fool,
Oh I’m a fool.
I have mixed feelings about this EP, it’s fucking amazing however.
To those who might be unfamiliar with the Wanton Bishops, they are first of all, a Lebanese band right from the heart of Beirut. I’ve been a great fan of them, since the earlier days of the band, when they started out playing in small pubs throughout the city, with their identity and journey yet to unfold and for us to witness how two guys from Beirut, made it big.
The first album, ‘Sleep with the Lights On’, was a huge success, and cultivated massive support and amazing reviews from throughout the world. This album was their stepping stone onto the stage of the world. Nader with his surreal harmonica skills, and quite orgasmic and bluesy vocals and growls, and Eddy with the sweet licks and solos on the guitar, made them a mix to be matched by anyone.
However, with the new EP that was released months ago, things sounded different from what originally was the sound of the band (not on all the tracks though). They evolved into using more electronic stuff, along with the integration of the ‘Tarab’ music, which is no mystery to the band. Personally, I believe this experimentation was due to many reasons, but mostly the elements of electronics were introduced by a third member of the band, who is Salim Naffah. Salim is familiar with the sound, being part of a pop group called Loopstache, and the electronics seemed to work just ‘fine’ in my opinion. The integration of the ‘Tarab’ sound was mostly related to the fact that the band was searching within, and trying to have a taste of the sound that they came from. This was influenced by the trip they had to the United States, where they visited the major ‘Blues States’ one might say, such as Mississippi and so on. This can be found in a full feature documentary they had with Red Bull called ‘Walk it Home‘.
In the tracks called Waslaha and Hitman, the new elements integrated in the sound can be felt, and they work like a charm actually. I don’t mind that they tried experimenting. From the first album they released, one can tell that they have absolutely mastered the realm of Blues, so there’s nothing wrong by trying new sounds.
The other tracks on the EP sound as raunchy and as perfect as they can be, reminding us of the original sound of the band, and even highlighting the fact that the Bishops are just starting out. A mixture of bluesy rock and roll, that’s hard to mess with, and hard to dismiss, as the sound of the Bishops really hooks you in, and keeps you at bay.
It’s hard for me to rate the EP, as I had mixed feelings about this. Yes, the integration process felt great and unforced. But I truly missed that raw harsh sound of the earlier songs from the band. This is however normal. Every band needs to grow and evolve, and to try different elements to get the sound that best suits them.
Tracklist:
If you’re interested in the following EP, purchase it through the following places:
Beware before indulging the Wanton Bishops, as they make kick ass, no apologies whatsoever music. So tread lightly, and enjoy.
It never lets you be.
Razors scratching my face, whips lashing on my skin, freezing under the icy blanket and drowning on my snowy mattress. I felt like the homeless person lying on the edge of the street, covered with his precious newspapers, trying to forget the grim surroundings that possess him; maybe, just maybe he feels home again, safe under a roof away from the horridness he has to go through.
I slept feeling there was a gun aimed at my head, with God placing one bullet in the barrel and spinning it, holy Russian roulette executed to my advantage, or is it really to my advantage? I hold my legs with both my hands, and images of me being chased by a pack of frenzied wolves’ runs wild, with the sweat trickling down my forehead, and my body shaking with despair. That’s how it feels after the euphoric heroin Mecca journey. After the withdrawal ended, my corpse felt as light as a feather, with every bone in my body as fragile as a toothpick, with my body in its usual fetus position.
I think it has to do with my unconsciousness. I want to be reborn again, rid of this disease. I want to be reborn again, as a normal person, being held by my mother all over again, and embracing the beauty of life, because there’s no beautiful sight like seeing a mother holding her newborn child.
A nightmare worse than any nightmare. This is what I see almost every night in my dreams. You know, there’s nothing worse than quitting something, than the actuality of it remaining to exist in your head. You feel clean, but you don’t. You feel fine, but you don’t. It’s a never ending equation of misery and suffering, even after the merely pathetic, rugged life I was living. I thought change was certain…
—
I was wrong.
You never escape, and you never quit. You will always feel the poison, seeping and leaking through your veins and through your pores. It is truly a curse.