Month: March 2018

Isolation

Isolation is not fun.

Extravagant2 Comments

Surrounded by white giant walls that always seem to be there,

I feel safe.

There’s also my closet, face first towards me, that stares me down to sleep, every single night.

The brownish color of the wood always manages to keep me sheltered, and safe from harm,

But the horror is always looming, and the comfort isn’t always around, and the beautiful color won’t be there to always hold my arm.

This makes me realize that I’m all alone, and it is pretty sad, but I try to stay positive, and I never get mad.

However the loneliness gets intense, and it tangles me in its web of isolation.

It’s okay though, I can always reminsice of the older times, where I had a hint or a notion, of longing to belong to someone, anyone.

I don’t feel safe, and I don’t think I will be for long.

All I can do is hope for a chime, signaling enough passage of time, to a point where I won’t be all alone.

I wish it is not something set in stone.

Isolation kills.

Death of Satisfaction

I don’t know what or how to feel anymore.

Extravagant3 Comments

Don’t you hate it sometimes when things are going just spectacularly shitty? Well that’s what I’m going through right now I suppose.

I hate this stupid fucking feeling man. This eeriness that surrounds everything around me is just haunting, and not in the cheap horror movie sense, but in the literal sense.

I’m trying to be positive, but I’m barely satisfied, and I don’t feel sure of how everything is building up. I have a plan, sure. There are things in motion, however it’s not jolting for me.

It’s the little things. It’s the tiniest of little things that just manage to thwart any shred of satisfaction or comfort I might have.

From the inability to manage a date with anyone recently, to not being able to eat the food that I like… The list goes on and on. The worst of the whole lot is feeling that I’m not on the right path in terms of a lifetime of employment. This one is really scaring me. Do I want to be a teacher for the rest of my working life? I’m not so sure, and this is no walk in the park decision. Growing up is scary, and I hope I’m up to the challenge, but right now, it doesn’t feel this way.

Everything and everyone around me makes me feel lonely that it’s not even funny anymore. I keep wishing I could see my friends more, but I don’t make enough effort to do that, and at the same time they don’t as well. I feel like I’m losing everyone that is around me, and the thought of that is frightening.

Maybe I’m not looking at the brighter side, or perhaps I’m not putting enough effort; well that might be the case to be honest.

It just might be the case.

I don’t know what to feel or how I’m feeling.

This sucks man.

Imagination

Having a strong imagination sucks sometimes.

Extravagant3 Comments

It’s always a whisper how she passes through slowly.

She looks at me, every single time, clawing and crawling towards the surface of comfort, surely, but again slowly.

I see her, gazing and staring at what could be, at what will never be. It’s disappointing sometimes, but life usually is.

I know sometimes that I should’ve tried harder, or maybe pushed further, but talking is easy and doing isn’t breezy.

She approaches me, gets close, and all of a sudden I realize how my imagination is just the frustration, of a man so willing to imagine.

She never really knew I was there, and I don’t find that not one bit rare. You know, all I ever wanted from a stare, was something I thought could be there.

Yet again, I was wrong.

My imagination never ceases to play tricks on me, and that’s alright. At least I can still imagine, which is fair, but life sometimes is truly fucking unfair.