Holy you say?
Burning holes everywhere,
taking a plunge into nowhere.
Despair and lust,
leaving me chewed and through,
like scattered dust.
Thinking of you right now,
collapse again,
as I glisten and shine in the sun.
The holes getting bigger and holy,
a shrine for souls forgotten and abused,
by your holiness.
Struggling is always fun!
Struggling and suffering,
trying to stay afloat.
Lying on my bed,
wishing I was on a boat,
stranded in the middle of the ocean
with the waves carrying my soulless soul,
deep down to the ground, into my final resting hole.
Seething with the mundane everyday,
adding to the wallowing misery at bay.
Facing the mirror,
obsolete, and full of demise and joy,
I prance around like a lunatic
waving to death,
who’s reluctant and coy.
‘Should I save him, or should I not’
‘Should I save him, or should I not’
…
Isn’t sadness wonderful?
There’s a heavy burden laying on my chest, and I need to get it out of my system.
You know what is unfathomably stupid? Playing the waiting game. Your mind starts playing tricks on you. Nothing is going to happen, nothing will ever happen, and you need to move on.
I wish sometimes it was that easy. It never is that easy.
It’s been almost three years now, and yet, I can’t seem to forget, I can’t seem to forget her.
This is, at least now, I’m realizing that it was never meant to be, and nothing will ever mean to be. All these years, and all the time, spent waiting and hoping, gone to waste. Maybe it was, and maybe it wasn’t. I am yet to know.
It is a great sadness, when you love so hard and vigorously, KNOWING and willingly indulging into dead emotions. This was not a ‘cliche’ form of unrequited love/crush. I wish it was, because if that was the case, I’d move on in a heartbeat.
It stings you greatest, when you know you found what you consider perfection, but that perfection and all what you hoped for was eventually falseness, and a compilation of crumbling hopes and desires.
She’s gone now, I guess, forever.
I’m not sad about all the time wasted, I’m crestfallen and full of sorrow because I know it could’ve been something magical, out of this world…
Or was that just in my mind?
It’s always just in my mind.
Blissful and relaxing, a masterpiece.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBc_WFJ0vQ8&w=560&h=315]
This is personally one of my favorite movie scores to ever exist. Without forgetting to mention the genius that is John Zorn of course, but this specific Filmwork of his truly left an impact on me.
Whenever I listen to this masterpiece, I feel a deep sense of emotions and a state of thumping existence. It’s magic to my ears, and brings me down to a sense of warmth that I rarely can feel.