Is anyone else hearing this?
Sounds creeping and crawling through my ears,
as my soul trickles down like tears.
Is it a hum? Is it a whisper?
or is it just my fragile mind,
popping like a big fucking blister?
I hear it, I listen to it, I know it’s there,
but at the same time,
it can be anywhere.
Maybe it’s a mosquito,
buzzing in my head.
It stings my brain and leaves me dead.
All I know is,
the sounds and whispers are alive and alright,
but I’ll sure be glad
if they fade into the night.
Not a great time to be alive, but hey, it’s all about the little things.
I’ve been feeling blue lately. I don’t feel as energetic as I usually am, heck even getting out of bed is becoming a drag. Living a routine life is truly soul crushing, but I always realize that it’s necessary, and well… I just have to go through the motions of the mundane everydayness.
I’m very familiar to these terrible mood swings, and they affect me in ways that hinder me in dreadful forms. It gets as far as working the effort and energy to crack a smile that I truly mean, or to even converse with people. The worse part is that I’m not putting enough time in my studies… I always faze out, and my mind gets blurry whenever I attempt to read, or even write. It’s horrible alright, and I hope that things get better real soon.
The only thing that I look forward to however, even with all my sadness and state of being right now, is seeing her everyday, well… not everyday, but whenever my eyes fall on her. It’s crazy I know, and I’m usually not like that. But when the love bug crawls in, oh boy. All hell breaks loose for me, but in a good way.
Seeing her makes me happy, even a little hello, and a small nod or wave, make my shitty present days better. That’s how bad of a state I’m in right now, but I’ll take whatever I can get. It helps and I don’t mind having this naive sort of high school reminiscent crush. It’s the little things that get me by, and that’s the only little thing that does get me by, or the only little thing I have going on.
I’ll take that small dosage of happiness, even if nothing eventually happens, and most probably nothing will.
It can be hard for some, but not for me!
Unrequited love is the best kind of love.
I know that it might be an oxymoronic thing to say, but everytime I find myself stuck in this vicious cycle of emotions and feelings, I feel great. It is truly a wonderful feeling, when you know you love someone, and you know they don’t love you back.
I feed from that, I take everything I can from it, and sometimes I even crave it. It’s a very mysterious trait that I have, and it puzzles me to the core. Whenever I happen to fall into this, I am a different and better person. My energy boosts up to unimaginable levels, I feel like I have nothing to lose, it gives me an unspoken kind of confidence that manages to take me into personal heights I never knew I had.
The only let down is, that all these feelings are short lived. I move on too quickly, rather too fast, but in that short period of time, like I said, I take everything, and I don’t have to give back anything. All the creativity from the feelings attained, all the courage, all the reckless regretting behavior that transcends me to newer states of being, it is all worth it.
Heartbreak doesn’t scare me, not at all. I loathe and disdain myself sometimes for wanting it. That’s why to me, Unrequited love is the best kind of love. It is the love that you know you have, and that you know you can give. However, you don’t end up sharing that love with the other, but with yourself.
Don’t be afraid of heartbreak, and don’t be afraid of love. These feelings are rare, so take advantage of them, use them selfishly if all fails and things don’t go your way. After all, you never know what life has in line for you.
In the words of Sir James Matthew Barrie,
“Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow”.