Peach

Peaches are tasty as fuck.

Shadows linger and playfully sway along the sidewalks,
I stare at them while eating my peach.

What a specific fruit to be eating,
And what a specific day to be clearing,
My mind with the company of shadows.

Peaches are tasty I must say,
But the horror that is looming and oozing about
Is rather something ominous without a shred of doubt.

The shadows are there, and I feel them close,
I consume my peach rather swiftly,
I detect the anomalies within the air
And all of a sudden, my peach falls, descending quickly
Right down towards the ground.

It’s a shame I have to admit
That my peach is gone and will never exist,
It was a special peach, I loved it.
What a chagrin it is,
And I plead you never experience this.

Darn you shadows
Unlawfully floating about.
You linger through and through
With all this clout…

But what about my peach I say! That’s important too.
Everything is a clout chaser nowadays,
Even you shadows, even you…

Wrinkles

Wonderful experience.

Her wrinkles shine,

with every frown she takes.

An older woman they said,

but make no mistake,

like fine wine,

wrinkles full of life.

Face full of living,

glistening and shining,

marks of an existence,

time spent on the surface,

without any resistance,

I approach her.

I stare down into her soul,

and her into mine,

youth and age,

bundled up into a shrine,

beams erupting from the glares,

as we continue to stare,

down the rabbit hole.

I will never forget her frowns,

her sighs,

and especially her wrinkles.

Norwegian Wood: Review

Excellent novel for me.

This is the first Haruki Murakami I’ve ever read, and to say the least, I was vastly impressed.

I didn’t know what to expect, but I thought, why not take a friend’s recommendation with a book seriously for once, and I’m glad I did. I don’t usually read fiction, but this was a pleasant surprise by all means.

What I enjoyed mostly was the depth and plethora of different themes provided. The highlight theme however, has to be death for me. The notion of suicide and how it recurred throughout was a central existentialist whirlwind to the reader. From Kizuki’s suicide, to Naoko’s, even to Watanebe’s nihilism, death was always lingering around it seems. On the complete counter-part of the theme of death, comes along life, and the essence of it, which is Midori, like an eruption into Watanebe’s life. It’s an interesting mixture, and I absolutely enjoyed how Murakami was able to use such themes with great care.

Aside from themes and such, the descriptions were at times beautiful, yet at other times rugged and showed you the nature of the places where you were put in a mind-set by which you can easily imagine the places that Murakami was writing about. The first thing that comes to mind regarding this, was the place that Naoko was being treated in. The Ami Hostel seemed like a real place to me, as a reader, and I imagined Naoko there, struggling to reattach herself into something whole again, with the help of her friend Reiko. The restaurants, the streets, the pubs, and the sexual imaginations add a touch of genius I might say, from the way everything was vividly described. This is probably the easiest fictional work I’ve been able to imagine whilst reading. It was like a movie playing in my head most of the time, and that’s very rare to happen to me, since I do read quite a lot.

I enjoyed how the novel itself started, and this plays perfectly on the aspect of time, since Watanebe is introduced to us at his 30’s , and how we have this loophole of 16-17 years where we have no idea what was occurring during his life.

The ending however, can be a hit or miss with some people, but to me, it was perfect. You are left with a sense of confusion, yet somehow it is a good type of confusion. You somehow know what the outcome might be, but fate and the optimism that Watanebe had might make you think of another ending, this is where Murakami hit a home run for me.

It was a solid, and entertaining read. I found myself thinking about the characters, and the complexity of each one of them. May it be Storm Trooper, Toru’s eccentric roommate, or Reiko, Naoko’s friend, I felt like I could relate to all of them, which is commendable.

I loved this novel, and I honestly can’t wait to read more of Haruki Murakami’s work. I finished Norwegian Wood in two days, I’m curious how indulging and grasping his other works will be, I’m about to find out.

 

Rain

The rain is nice — sometimes.

Whispering gently into my ear,

your words brought me satisfaction.

I pondered day in and day out

about what they might mean.

Satisfaction wasn’t enough,

and no matter how rough

the situation was,

I lingered upon the threads of the promises made.

I have only but memories of utterances you rained down upon me.

They kept me safe.

Even when the airwaves strike my face,

and grace of rain hails down from space,

all I can see,

feel,

and touch,

are the words of unholy contentment.

A pure delight.

Isolation

Isolation is not fun.

Surrounded by white giant walls that always seem to be there,

I feel safe.

There’s also my closet, face first towards me, that stares me down to sleep, every single night.

The brownish color of the wood always manages to keep me sheltered, and safe from harm,

But the horror is always looming, and the comfort isn’t always around, and the beautiful color won’t be there to always hold my arm.

This makes me realize that I’m all alone, and it is pretty sad, but I try to stay positive, and I never get mad.

However the loneliness gets intense, and it tangles me in its web of isolation.

It’s okay though, I can always reminsice of the older times, where I had a hint or a notion, of longing to belong to someone, anyone.

I don’t feel safe, and I don’t think I will be for long.

All I can do is hope for a chime, signaling enough passage of time, to a point where I won’t be all alone.

I wish it is not something set in stone.

Isolation kills.

Death of Satisfaction

I don’t know what or how to feel anymore.

Don’t you hate it sometimes when things are going just spectacularly shitty? Well that’s what I’m going through right now I suppose.

I hate this stupid fucking feeling man. This eeriness that surrounds everything around me is just haunting, and not in the cheap horror movie sense, but in the literal sense.

I’m trying to be positive, but I’m barely satisfied, and I don’t feel sure of how everything is building up. I have a plan, sure. There are things in motion, however it’s not jolting for me.

It’s the little things. It’s the tiniest of little things that just manage to thwart any shred of satisfaction or comfort I might have.

From the inability to manage a date with anyone recently, to not being able to eat the food that I like… The list goes on and on. The worst of the whole lot is feeling that I’m not on the right path in terms of a lifetime of employment. This one is really scaring me. Do I want to be a teacher for the rest of my working life? I’m not so sure, and this is no walk in the park decision. Growing up is scary, and I hope I’m up to the challenge, but right now, it doesn’t feel this way.

Everything and everyone around me makes me feel lonely that it’s not even funny anymore. I keep wishing I could see my friends more, but I don’t make enough effort to do that, and at the same time they don’t as well. I feel like I’m losing everyone that is around me, and the thought of that is frightening.

Maybe I’m not looking at the brighter side, or perhaps I’m not putting enough effort; well that might be the case to be honest.

It just might be the case.

I don’t know what to feel or how I’m feeling.

This sucks man.

Imagination

Having a strong imagination sucks sometimes.

It’s always a whisper how she passes through slowly.

She looks at me, every single time, clawing and crawling towards the surface of comfort, surely, but again slowly.

I see her, gazing and staring at what could be, at what will never be. It’s disappointing sometimes, but life usually is.

I know sometimes that I should’ve tried harder, or maybe pushed further, but talking is easy and doing isn’t breezy.

She approaches me, gets close, and all of a sudden I realize how my imagination is just the frustration, of a man so willing to imagine.

She never really knew I was there, and I don’t find that not one bit rare. You know, all I ever wanted from a stare, was something I thought could be there.

Yet again, I was wrong.

My imagination never ceases to play tricks on me, and that’s alright. At least I can still imagine, which is fair, but life sometimes is truly fucking unfair.

Can Pleasure Lead to Happiness?

Interesting question indeed.

Happiness: the ultimate goal that all humans strive towards in their short-lived life on this planet we call earth, well not all humans of course, we don’t want to leave the nihilists out of the picture here on a funny note. While discussing the notion of happiness, you are bound to stir controversy, as different people have different perception on what makes us happy. This can be quite problematic while diving deeper into the situation we have at hand, which is: can pleasure lead to happiness?

If one is to argue that pleasure indeed, does not lead to happiness, I’m certain the scope is broader than arguing for the latter. However, I’ll be targeting both sides of the pendulum and hoping to find out a reasonable situation on which I can build my argument around.

First off, if you are to talk about pleasures, we need to understand the different forms of pleasure that can be achieved in this world. Some people might go for artistic pleasure, or some people might strive for bodily pleasures, and so forth, it’s a recurrent cycle just like the flipping of a coin when it comes to counting the different forms of pleasures that humans can try to attain in their lifetimes, or try to sustain in a broader sense of things. This talk about the abundant amount of pleasures available to us, prompts up the talk about Utilitarianism. Personally, I love to keep the definition of Utilitarianism sweet and short, it’s simply the greatest amount of utility (pleasures, benefits, …) for the greatest number of people realistically achievable to. Plain and simple. However, what is important of this mentioning of Utilitarianism, is its founder Jeremy Bentham. He’s highly important because he invented what I’m basing this argument on, which is the Hedonic Calculus. The Hedonic Calculus aims to statistically or mathematically measure the certain act you are trying to do on a pleasure and pain scale, and the comparison of the scores should afterwards prompt you towards venturing forward with the action intended or backing out of it. Now I know that this ‘scale’ was highly rejected in the philosophical realm, but I beg to differ. It offers a very pragmatic way to solving this swing-state that always seems to happen to people before indulging in a certain state of pleasure. Humans are quite good at knowing what can harm them, and what certain types of pleasures are not for them, so I don’t find this method to be problematic at all. Let me give a practical everyday life example on which I can base an actual function of the Hedonic Calculus. Let’s take the example of playing the violin on first hand. Playing an instrument is very intense, and can lead to a strong pleasure. Learning to play an instrument is pleasurable on the long run as well, so it’s going to last for quite a long time. If someone willingly goes for learning the violin for a choice, then the percentage of the pleasure to occur from the music played is likely. Like everything else, learning takes some time, but with patience, soon the learner will be able to get the attainable pleasure soon. There’s nothing as sensible and emotional as playing music, so concurrently, playing the violin will spark a lot of emotions in you. Also, playing the violin is the purest of acts, no bad pleasures I can think of that can occur because of it. By adopting the violin as your source of pleasure, you aren’t negatively affecting anyone, on the contrary, you can emit your pleasure by playing to other people. I just followed the seven different ‘steps’ on which someone can base a pleasure and what it radiates based on the Hedonic Calculus, and in terms of practicality, it certainly sounds very effective to me.

On this basis, pleasure can lead to happiness, but a problem is present. What if playing the violin stopped providing pleasure? What if at an older age, your fingers simply cannot handle the instrument anymore? What if at a younger age you simply gave? There’s always different things we must take into consideration with this literal measurement of calculating pleasure, and the rebuttal to it was very minimal and simple, and it was the few lists of questions that I provided.

In terms of happiness, let’s try to now deconstruct the notion of pleasure leading to happiness, since we already paved the way in the latter example of questionnaires.

The example of pleasure that I gave, which is playing a musical instrument, isn’t a type of pleasure that most ordinary people in the world would strive for. When talking about pleasure, the first thing to pop to one’s head is sexual, or worldly pleasures, and that’s actually very true in concern to pleasure. Most people view these generic ‘wants’ as pleasure, and they are entitled to do just that. For Plato, this is problematic, and he classifies those material needs as the ‘appetitive element’. The other elements in Plato’s Republic strive for being in line with your spirit, and achieving things that would fulfill you on a spiritual level. Plato here only proves that we need to strive or achieve a balance, on order to get to the desirable happiness that usually every human wants in life.

Deontological ethics in my opinion is the best weapon to fight against the argument at place. We simply have to take in the ethical codes of conduct and the rules at hand in terms of actions and their moralities. This applies because pleasurable actions usually have ethical boundaries to them, usually advocated to by a certain set of rules, and that’s only normal. Let’s say for example, someone achieves their pleasure that leads to their happiness by committing rape against young children. This is unethical, and the rules of society bind us with a duty to not commit such an act, even if it might lead to our happiness. I find this very appropriate while dealing with this type of pleasures, because often society rules in our favor against them, and people simply can’t indulge in such acts as rape, or they simply need mental help if they still insist on doing so, or being sent to jail.

We can also look in the scope of virtue ethics while dealing with the aspect of pleasure. Virtue ethics have to do with the person and his build up, and what makes us human. We should act in a way that shifts away from the deontological ethics of duty and act in a way that gets us closer to our characters, and to who we are, and lead us to a place where happiness is found in the bigger picture, not just in pleasures. For example, Aristotle (the father of Virtue Ethics), says that friendship can lead us to happiness, hence the pleasure of friendship. Our happiness doesn’t necessarily have to do with what is mundane, or simple pleasures that is. The enhancement and development of all these good virtues will lead us to the point of Eudaimonia, which is happiness, and this consequently leads us to a satisfying life.

For me personally, away from all the philosophical explanations of the fact that if pleasure can lead to happiness, my answer to that is that I’m simply still not sure yet. I know this doesn’t come off as deep, but I just don’t have enough experience yet in life, to determine what is it that has yet to drive me to reach my state of what I call happiness. Sure, I have desires like everyone else, but I still find it very early to even think of my desires having a long term effect on my happiness. Or maybe, I’m just a nihilist that sees no pleasure and seeks no happiness? Perhaps. I still think it’s early to tell for me.

As our technology advances, and as humanity grows, I think that happiness is something we will always try to strive for, no matter what the means of achieving it is. I find humans hard-wired or ‘programmed’ in some way to indulge in what they find can make them happy, and I don’t think humans will ever change in regards of that. Does indulging in what we find as pleasure worth it? All we can do is try if we really have to, and see where that takes us.

An Update.

Getting back to writing.

Hello there!

For anyone who follows this blog, or anyone who was at any point interested in my posts, I’m sorry for not posting more often.

I’ve been on a hiatus with posting here, not for any particular reason, just wasn’t finding the time, inspiration, or the proper motivation.

I’m hoping for this to change, and I will try to post more on a regular basis now.

 

Fool

Some things will never change.

The dripping stains I see them clear,
with every passing wave,
I stay still and feel,
the tears falling onto my shirt.
They plummet with a heaviness unseen,
unwitnessed and unfelt before.
Like the rain in October,
slightly felt and clearly seen.

With the foolishness of a fool
I tread heavily into maze,
full of despair and agony,
burning like indistinguishable fuel.
My heart clasped with a cumbersome
ashamed feeling of a daze.
I feel sick in my stomach
as I never fail to amaze,
the belligerent fool in me.

The same mistakes over and over again.
I get disgusted with myself sometimes,
from the pathetic, finicky heart of mine,
that never seems to give me any time,
to process things,
and tread with refrain.

I fall in love too easily,
and I will always remain a fool.
Someone please help me,
to find the fucking cure.